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Posted: Sep 21 2017, 01:43 PM
© AJ [she/hers] // Offline
aj. pm for IM's. she/her. -3:00
Take a look around? What do you see?
Those were one of the first things you heard after being told at the age of 9 that you were probably going blind before you could reach your teen years. It was seriously heartbreaking to hear for a kid. Almost impossible to understand even, honestly and flat out, scary. You were suffering from something called Fuch's Corneal Dystrophy. And it simply meant that a thing that was supposed to keep your eyes fluid, was not circulating anymore. You could call out the name but you rather not, it is a tongue twister, no joke (endothelium, see? not kidding). That thing that was supposed to keep your eyes fluid actually made them swell and in a point, it will not let you see most of the things.
You were just 9 years old and up until then, you had nothing but a normal life, the youngest on your parent's marriage, the only girl and yes, the most spoiled one because your oppa's wouldn’t let you be. You played sports, all of them and often watched all of them on tv with your father. Your sight began to deteriorate around your 8th-year birthdate. When all of the sudden sometimes a white coat covered your eyes and you could see nothing but the outline of things, sometimes it lasted a few minutes, sometimes a few hours, and sometimes just a few moments. You thought nothing of it of course since it had been just a few times during that year.
Yet when you turned 9 and that white film was there almost every day after you came back from school, you got scared and told your mother, who she immediately took you to a doctor. You had no idea that umma's grandfather was blind before he turned about 30, he died when you were just a baby and Umma never truly spoke to you about him. From the look on their eyes, neither did your oppas.
Accept that you were going mostly blind was the hardest things ever. Just like the doctor predicted, you were 13 the last time you remember seeing something on its full form for the last time. Then the white film became something dark-ish. They had all prepared for this though. Even you were prepared for this by your parents. You were taught Braille and how not to depend on fully seeing to move around and have a normal life. The first few months though it were the hardest because your brothers forget to put away their shoes and you often tripped on them and fell, once you even got a cut in your forehead because you went straight for the corner of the small coffee table. Your eldest oppa cried for minutes hysterical asking your forgiveness. It was funny that you were the one bleeding and completely disoriented and you needed to calm him down.
Kids at school could be especially mean about others with disabilities such as your own. You were often found on the floor because others would put you foot tramps on purpose. Or hide your books if you happened to leave them on the desk and you were called to the front for the lesson that you had to give when others had a written exam. Then and only then is when you accepted to use a cane -at your mother's request, you didn’t want to, you were blind enough; you didn’t want others to see the big neon sign that the cane was. But you had to prevent from falling, both arms broken in two years was enough.
Despite that, you were always at the top of your class. When you graduated and started high school, you really thought that you would still have to live with that sort of pranks. You were surprised to know that no one really would do that. You had the same classmates but, they were sort used to the blind kid by now so they mostly left you alone.
There is always that one person that changes things, right? And in your case, that was no different. His voice was always so soft and warm that from the moment he first talked to you, you fell into his spell. He had the patience of the world with you. Put up the jokes that people made him because of being with a blind girl, even his parents when he confessed them to be in love with you.
Needless to say that he was your first everything, right? You don’t need to go into detail about that. Because it would be hella embarrassing to do so. In his own way, he allowed you to see that moment. And for taking that time to let you feel it all, is why you have the world's biggest care for that man. Even if it has been YEARS since you heard him or of him for the last time. He was a big journalist in a foreigner country for what people told you.
Of course, there has been a few others during college yet he never truly left your thoughts. Often, you planned on having your brothers find his phone number and call him but, you always convinced yourself that it was not a good idea, that most likely he is married now and happy. So, why stir the past like that?
You graduated from college with a degree to become a teacher. A high school teacher none the less. The ones that you had through your years in school had inspired you to always aim for more than others thought you could be. After college you moved to an apartment more on the center of Seoul and started to live by yourself. Years of training to cook along your mother and handling a knife –even blind, allowed you not to starve to death as you managed to get a job. Take outs are still now a day rather expensive so you had to manage to take care of yourself on that. Prove your very over worrying mother that you could do this.
Unlike many others in your shoes, you had resigned to be blind for the rest of your life so, when your older brother asked you to see an optometrist about a possible corneal transplant, you blew him off. You wanted nothing with that. It was nothing but a hoax to give people like you a sense of hope... for nothing. And you kept on blowing him off with said possibility for moths until he dragged you off to the doctor himself. And you mean it on the dragged thing, like literally took you by the ear and shoved you into his car.
You had to wait...what a shocker! You walked out of that place thinking in all honesty that you would never be called again. And for a while you even forgotten that you had actually gone. You had just turned 24 the day you got the call. A match donor was found and if you wanted it, they were ready for you to get the transplant. Truthfully, you thought that it was nothing but a joke that someone was playing you until your eldest oppa arrived home and dragged you –again- to get all the tests that you needed to have and get through all of the psychological appointments because apparently, you needed to be qualified in that too. When you were given the okay about a week or so later, your mother was signing off the transplant papers and less than two hours later you were taken to the OR.
One of the downsides of the surgery was that the transplant wouldn’t work. Like any other foreigner organ, it could be a possibility but in you, they worked. They first faces –or the blurry faces- that you saw were your parents. You were finally seeing them again in almost 20 years. And it shocked you how much they have aged.
Seeing on its fullest again was not easy. One would have thought that it would be when you already saw as a child but, the world had changed so much and it demanded you to know a lot more than you could adjust yourself to. More times than often you found yourself just closing your eyes under the sunglasses that you wore (eyes were a bit sensitive after the surgery and had been for months), and move around with your eyes closed.
After a sabbatical year, were you were told by the doctors to take, you returned to the school to teach in your position, one that it was held for you until your return. One that you still have. You have adjusted to the life of seeing in some ways and in others you still wished you would be blind.
THEONS @ SHINE
Posted: Sep 21 2017, 03:55 PM
© cody [they/them] // Offline